Today, I bought a polish kit that promised to help. Below are before and after shots. Although the lighting is quite different—the sun came out while I was polishing—I think the pictures show a noticeable improvement along the opaque-translucent-transparent spectrum. I can’t wait to do some night driving!

I am against a walkout for three reasons. First, this is my day to celebrate my achievements of the past three years. Second, I have concerns about outing those members of the gay community who may not be out to the friends and family attending the ceremony. Finally, it may be inappropriate to take advantage of a captive audience to present an unclear message. I’ll flesh each of these out in turn.

Before getting into the reasons though, I want to explain what this post is not about. To the extent that I know his politics, I disagree with the Senator’s views on civil rights and equality. My anti-walkout stance has nothing to do with support for Senator Portman. I am open to less disruptive forms of protest. And I strongly encourage gestures of solidarity with my classmates.

Now to my first reason not to walk out. Each member of my class has worked his or her ass off to earn a JD, and May 7 is our day to celebrate as a group. In addition, I see May 7 as my day. For me, this is a day to reflect on achievements and struggles, to be proud of what I have accomplished, and to recognize family and friends who have supported me. The day will be what each of us makes of it.

I do not anticipate that Senator Portman will use his platform at graduation to further an agenda of inequality. One has a choice as to whether Senator Portman’s mere presence will ruin the day. My choice is not to let this happen. I should also note that neither will I let a walkout ruin my day, but such a spectacle will be harder to ignore.

My second reason concerns members of the gay community who are not out to their non–law school friends and family. (I should note that I am not gay, and my impressions might be well off the mark.) I assume the existence of a subset of the gay community at the law school consisting of people who are not out at home. These students, especially if they are out at school, may feel strong connections both with fellow gay students and with other supporters of gay rights and equality.

If this is true, a walkout puts these students in an uncomfortable situation. Their decision may not be as simple as choosing between remaining seated and walking out. They may feel like they have to choose between remaining silent and outing themselves. The presence of this choice should not be dispositive, but I believe it merits consideration by those considering walking out.

My final reason has to do with the propriety of planning a distraction and disruption before a captive audience. On May 7 a large group of people will convene in Ann Arbor to honor the law school class of 2011. They will not convene to see the remarks of the junior Senator from Ohio, nor to see the protest of a group of law students. I do not think that May 7 should be a day for advancing a substantive agenda.

I presume that Senator Portman recognizes that this is not a political rally and will comport himself accordingly. If Senator Portman’s remarks reflect hostility toward civil rights or equality, I will consider walking out. To me, this is different from a planned walkout because I would have no advance time to consider more productive avenues of combatting such speech. For those offended by his mere presence, however, the walkout reflects an effort to advance a substantive agenda of civil rights and equality.

As such, I think it is fair to judge the propriety of the walkout on whether such an action actually advances civil rights and equality. I tend to think it will do no such thing. Instead, it will distract people from the ceremony as several berobed students stand up and walk toward aisles, likely generating further commotion as they stumble over seated classmates.

In sum, I am against the walkout because I want May 7 to be about me rather than about Senator Portman, I do not want to force existential decisionmaking on any classmates, and I believe that the walkout is a poorly conceived way of conveying support for civil rights and equality. For these reasons, I plan to remain seated during the Senator’s remarks.

It struck me that my friend might not be interested. But I also realized that I no longer have the ability to pick up social cues that communicate a lack of interest. I have parental autism. I made it clear to this friend that I have no idea if he is interested in seeing pictures of Henry. I made it clear that I have no problem if he politely says that he’s not interested. And I mean it. If you don’t want to see pictures of Henry, just say so. Well, you have to at least look at one. And then you can say, “They’re all the same baby. One is enough.” And if I say, “Wait, there’s this one where he’s wearing sunglasses.” You may politely respond, “Cut that shit out. Seriously.”

The funny thing is, I think I’m still firmly in the “I don’t want to see pictures of your baby” camp when it comes to other kids. And I don’t want to see pictures from your vacation. Or pictures of your ancestors. (That last one is an inside joke for Dave.)

You can choose from their selection of strange images or from your catalog of photos. I created a solid black 960 by 640 pixel JPEG, emailed it to myself, viewed the email on the iPhone, added the image to the phone’s image library, and selected it as the background. Like everything from Cupertino, it was so simple and easy! Seriously, I hope someone finds this useful.

Maybe I’m taking the Constitution too literally.

Via Andrew Sullivan.